Sunday, December 17, 2006
-Dear Santa-
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Dear Santa.
How have you been the past few years when you didn't grant me a single one of my wishes or suggestions? I'm sure you weren't sick and I'm sure my ideas weren't completely impossible because my 2-year-old neighbour says so and I trust her. Enough chatter, let's get on to the important stuff this end-year. [/insert the little musical notes you see floating in speech bubbles on top of anime heads when they're happy]
I haven't been all that good this year and I'm not gonna deny all the bad things I've done or try to shift the blame. You see, I can explain them all. In fact, they weren't my fault at all. Mostly, it was my sister or my imaginary dog. Sometimes my friend who lives at the back of my head even takes part in the fun of it all.
For instance, the time when I broke the cookie jar really wasn't part of my problem at all, though it may seem so. My imaginary dog was hungry and we ran out of dog food. Basically the only food left in the house that seemed remotely appropriate for a dog was chocolate cookies. And so you understand...
And that time I didn't do my homework was only because the friend living at the back of my head started an interesting, open and engaging converation that included blue and orange spotted ice-cream and pink cheverolets. [gag]
So you see, I think that I'm completely legit to remain on your give-presents-to list this year.
Henceforth I guess I should start on what I want for Christmas. But first, I should let you know that I really don't want too much. I can understand and am aware that some people ask for really unreasonable things for Christmas, and that you have a pretty hard time fulfilling what everyone wants. I have therefore narrowed my far-fetched list of over 500 to a mere piece of paper removed of nonsense and ridicule. And so to start...
One of the things I've always wanted and have always put on my Xmas list is an island. I gather that you have been busy making toys and thus do not have my island ready. However, in the past 13 years, you should have put aside enough time to bring together my island, with pure white sand lining the beaches and blue palm trees, green water and pink skies.
Another thing I have decided to put on my Christmas list is a green puppy. I mean, puppies look good being brown and white and all, but I want something really unusual and nice at the same time. I mean, don't green puppies look good? Well in my imagination they do, and that's pretty much enough for me.
Tell me one thing. Don't you like your reindeeeeer? So do I! I knew we would agree on this. My favourite one in your herd (do reindeer come in herds?) is Rudolf. So I guess this is third on my list. I mean, yeah, Rudolf has a bright nose and all that, but do you really need a shiny nose on foggy nights now that torches, beams and the such have been invented? I promise Rudolf will get along just fine with my imaginary dog.
And the fourth, a nice guy. Some nice guy who looks like a mix between Brad Pitt but also looks a little like *censored* from the debate team, and who actually cares and won't run away; who is nice and caring and tactful and romantic. I don't think you would mind having one person share your sleigh or ride on a reindeer? Well Santa, do you think that's possible?
I did tell you that I have thoroughly scoured my list of ridicule and nonsense.
Well Santa, I guess I'm done with my letter to you. Ohh wait, just one more thing. I read in my encyclopedia that there was a botanical parasite known as the mistletoe, and I was wondering if you could send it over either in the island or the puppy as I would really like to cheat my way into my first kiss.
I'm sure you can find a way to do these things. You're Santa after all. And about the reindeer. I suppose it comes with shampoo and a grooming brush? Do understand that in this world, sadly we don't have reindeer shampoo and grooming brushes at the local pet store.
Sincerely (WHEE)
Me.
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| so spoken! @ 10:48 PM|
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