Sunday, December 10, 2006
-Guide to Clone Speak-
Credit to:
Kaylin
Brian
Me
---------------------------Ever since Singapore was founded by Sang Nila whatsisname, a peculiar breed of people have been roaming the island. Known for their ability to pick any orifice with their 3-inch long pinky nail, squat for hours without developing piles as well as communicate in a language never before encountered by any known living person, they soon took over that tiny island and started swaying the natives to their form of communication.
Soon, the government tried to correct their erring ways of communication with posters of "Speek Good Engrish" but failed miserably in their attempts. Indeed, this peculiar breed of people, thenceforth known as Ah Bengs and Ah Lians, had transferred their strange mode of communication to *gasp* the INTERNET.
If you ever encounter one of them in your journeys online, do not panic. Take a deep breath and refer to our freshly written..Guide To Speaking Clone (AKA lianster or clone-speak)
1. Learn to distinguish it from normal writing.
E.g. ii Miisshh euux (is clone) and i miss you (is not).
2. Always repeat the letters i, l, e, h, u, r and x.
E.g. llaTeerrx ii wiilll waAttchh derrx`, ii am so brr0kkenn
3. Add the letters h, i and x in unnecessary places.
E.g. yeshh (yes), noppeexx (nope), miizzhh (miss), miiiex (me).
4. Never use the letter 's' (unless absoutely necessary), always replace it with 'z'.
E.g. d0tzz, boiizz
5. Never use the letter 'o', use zero (0) instead.
E.g. sch00L.. (and not school).
6. The letter 'v' is non-existant in the clone/lianster vocabulary, replace it with the letter 'b' instead. E.g. nebber (never), ebberyydaee` (everyday) 7. Capitalize random letters throughout your sentence. E.g. eUUxx arree aLLwayys iiiN miiex hEarrtt 8. Blatantly ignore grammer for all it's worth. 9. Don't type the letter 'g' if the worth ends with 'ing'. E.g. thhiinkkin (leave out the letter g at the end). 10. Add ` to the end of any random word because it's OHH-SOO-CUTE.
E.g. brr0kkenn miiexx`, d0ttzz`..
11. 'You' is never YOU, it's always eu. 'Me' is never ME, it's always miiexx.
12. If possible, never end anything with the letter 'y' instead use 'ie'.
E.g. sorrriiiee (and not sorry).
13. Use the terms 'la', 'lorrh' excessively, because it's so c00L..
14. Replace the letter 'e' with '3', and 'a' with '4' at random times to show your quirkiness.
E.g. m4yb3... (maybe)
We hope that you have enjoyed out very latest (as well as duly updated) Guide to Speaking Clone.
Now you can understand that they are not about to eat you while performing before-meal-rituals, but actually trying to make human conversation with us! Amazing, no?
We are one step closer to deciphering the age-old, lost, forgotten language that was formed alongside english. May we continue to strive and try our very best to fully understand (as well as write, as and when we think it necessary to communicate with them) the need of this language, as well as the unique spellings, lack of grammar, and amazing duplication of alphabets which makes their wordings hard to understand and unpronouncable.
Thus opening the new chapter in Singapore's book, cheers.
Endiinn N0tex:
rmbr;
wE c0Me in p3Ace...
we are jux +rying to learrnh from the bestiiex...
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| so spoken! @ 10:05 PM|
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