Tuesday, September 04, 2007

-LOAD OF CRUD.-

And like something acidic and rotten bubbling just beneath the surface, it's all coming back to eat away at my flesh once again.

I can see its hulking shadow lurking just around the corner, creeping round ready to pounce the moment I turn my back. And I'm scared. I'm so scared it's going to get me, like it's gotten me so many times before.

All I did was look around. But I don't see people. I see fragments. Because they all broke. Like little porcalain dolls left on the floor, like snowglobes left forgotten on the mantle, somehow, someway or other, they got smashed into a million tiny little pieces.

The monster got them, too, and now they're all broken.

And I'm going to break too. Into a million tiny pieces, just like them. And it's going to be so hard to find myself again. That out, I don't even know if I have or know myself in the first place.

I need help. I want a sense of normalcy in my life again. I know it's there. It's always been. And it's just out of reach.

I'm afraid. And I want answers, I demand answers. But I never get them. And I'm so scared that one day pieces and fragments will be what's left of me, and everyone around me. What then? What then?

I don't want to be broken, I'm scared. I don't want to be alone, I'm scared. And I don't want to go forward, because I'm scared.

If only there was a way to go back to being a kid. And most everyone was whole. And trust was so easy to give and take. And the school, the world, was still your friend.

Now the only escape is to be numb. To block it all out. To run so the monster can't get you, so it can't break you. To keep running and running.

But I can't see where I'm running, I'm exhausted, and I'm so freaking tired of the dark. And I don't know what I should do now. Either way, I'm going to break too. And I'm scared.

Tell me. What's a girl to do.


| so spoken! @ 11:00 PM|

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